The Marble Game

A few months ago, while visiting a friend's home, I noticed that she had a jar full of marbles on her dining room bar. And sitting next to the large jar of marbles were 3 separate smaller jars, 1 jar for each of her children. Curious as to what the marbles were for, I asked her, "So, what's up with all the marbles?" She explained to me that they were playing The Marble Game in their home. The Marble Game is a rewards/discipline strategy used with children. Basically, you use marbles to represent specific behaviors that you either want to reward your child for, or discipline your child for. Each time the child does something "good" they earn a marble. The child can go take a marble out of the main marble jar, and put it into their own marble jar. But, whenever the child exhibits a behavior that you've specifically warned them not to do, they have to take a marble out of their jar, and put it back into the main marble jar.


Okay, I wasn't so sure this would work with my children, and so I really didn't give it another thought. That was, up until last week when I was back at my friend's house and I saw all the marble jars still sitting on her bar. So I asked her how it had been going. She could not stop singing the praises of The Marble Game...


Now then, I've been having some behavioral issues lately with my oldest 2 children. It would seem that my 8 year old son is under the impression that his parents know nothing, and he knows everything. And every single time I ask him to do anything, ANYTHING, he grunts, growls or moans at me. I'm not kidding... I hate it! And with my almost 7 year old (going on 17) daughter, well she's decided that it's time to revisit the temper tantrum stage. WHAT?!?! I thought tantrums ended in the Terrible 2s... Not in Avery's world. So, I was basically willing to try anything at this point to correct these negative behaviors.


I went to Michael's and bought a bag of marbles for $3.99, and I used some plastic storage containers that I already had. We started this game last week in my home. And at first, the kids absolutely did not get it. They didn't understand how exactly they earned a marble, or how exactly they would get a marble taken away. And they thought it was a contest between each other to see who could get the most marbles the fastest. Sibling rivalry... another issue that is in need of corrective action in our home... But eventually, they caught on and I was able to explain to the children how they could earn marbles and why they would have them taken away. Oh, by the way, I'm also doing this with my 3 year old, Isaac.

We've been playing The Marble Game for about a week now, and it's WORKING! Like a charm, I tell you! By about the 2nd day, the kids were actually seeking out things they could do to earn marbles. It was beautiful! Samuel, who is my BIG rule follower, is thriving with this game. He's not growled or grunted at me once since we started this. Amazing! And when Avery started throwing a tantrum on the 2nd day, because she couldn't have a 2nd bowl of ice cream, I gave her 1 warning, the tantrum continued, and I calmly told her to take 1 marble out of her jar and put it back into the family jar. Boy oh boy, was she mad!!! But she did it. And the next day when I told her she couldn't drink an entire chocolate milk box 10 minutes before bedtime, she started throwing a tantrum and I gave her 1 warning about the marble, and the tantrum stopped!!! Oh my goodness, I love things like this! And last night, she went into her bedroom and cleaned it up, without me having to ask her to do it! She even organized the shoes in her closet, which Hector quickly pointed out should have probably earned her 5 marbles.


So, here's why I think this works. Quite simply...


1) It has immediate rewards/consequences, PLUS long term rewards/consequences. AND,

2) The children set personal goals (so it's more meaningful to them), and they quickly figure out that the power lies within themselves to reach their goals.


Beautiful, right? So, here are the specific rules we set for The Marble Game:


How to earn a marble: By doing something nice, good, respectful or helpful, without being asked or told to do it by Mommy or Daddy first. (examples: sharing a toy with your brother or sister, picking up your dirty clothes off the floor and putting them in the hamper, cleaning up your room, etc.)


How to lose a marble: By doing something you have specifically been warned not to do. (examples: throwing a tantrum, groaning or growling when asked to do something, ignoring a request by Mommy or Daddy to help out or to do something we've asked you to do, etc.)


Each child set 3 personal goals, and I wrote their goals on their jars. So, when the marbles in Samuel's jar reach level 1, Samuel will earn an ice cream from Braums. When the marbles reach level 2, he will earn a new movie. And when the marbles reach level 3 (the top of the jar), he will earn a new game for his Play Station 2. Avery's level 1 goal will earn her a fountain soda, level 2 will earn her a stuffed animal, and level 3 will earn her dinner at her favorite restaurant. Isaac's level 1 goal will earn him a new Matchbox car, level 2 will earn him a slice of pizza, and level 3 will earn him breakfast at IHOP. My kids set these goals themselves. How awesome it that?


Now then, when I was a young parent, I was opposed to using bribery tactics such as this to get my kids to do what I wanted them to do. And I never wanted to use food as a reward. But since then, I've grown up a little. :-) No, I've simply come to realize that things like this can be very beneficial and useful tools in parenting, especially when everything else has failed. And here's why I think that is... Personally speaking, when I need to be disciplined in a specific area in my own life, I tend to do much better when I know that the sacrifices I will need to make along the way will ultimately result in something else that's much better in the end. Plus, I tend to do much better in reaching personal goals when I can set much smaller, more easily attainable goals that can be reached along the way. Same thing goes for my kids... Why not reward them in such a way as to send the message, "You're doing great. Keep it up!" I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've rewarded myself with a Cafe Mint Mocha or a mani/pedi. :-)