There's been a lot of articles, news reports, tv shows and other information all over the place recently about childhood bullying. I was reading an article one day, and saw someone leave a comment that maybe it was time parents stopped allowing their children to be victims, and that maybe parents of the children getting bullied needed to start teaching their children to stick up for themselves, and to not be so sensitive.
My oldest son is quirky and shy and sensitive and anxious around other people. I knew from a very early age that all too soon in his life, other kids would pick up on it. I tried to prepare myself and him as best as I could. I tried to instill within him a carefree spirit. But that's not my son's natural inclination. He does get his feelings hurt easily. He is a sensitive child.
Earlier in the week, we had an "incident" arise, in which Samuel had something taken away from him. It was something that he'd picked out himself, and wanted to give away to a needy child. Another child came along, saw the item, and grabbed it out of Samuel's hands. Samuel had asked the child to give it back. He'd actually asked him 3 times to give it back by the time I came into the room. Samuel explained to me what had happened, and that he was trying to get the other boy to give it back because he had it first, and he really wanted to give it away to a needy child. In the course of me trying to talk to the other child, and explain that it would be so wonderful if he could give it back to Samuel, I realized that this other child was not going to listen to me when he looked me in the eyes and smirked at me. So, I asked the teacher to intervene, but even she couldn't get the other child to listen to her. When the other child's mother came into the room, it didn't take long for me to realize that he wasn't going to listen to her either. So, I turned my attention towards Samuel and tried to explain to him that since this other child didn't seem to be changing his behavior and actions, that maybe Samuel needed to change, and just let it go, and move on. BAD choice of words, because that's when Samuel started crying and said to me, "Why should I have to change? I didn't do anything wrong. He's the one that did something wrong, and no one is making him change."
How many times should I tell my child to shrug it off, let it go, or walk away? How many times should I tell my son to try to change HIS behavior simply because another child won't? Sometimes, I just want to scream, because Samuel's right. He didn't do anything wrong. So why should he have to change?
When we got in the car after that incident, with my son still in tears, I told him that sometimes in life you can do everything right, and still get the short end of the stick. He was trying to do something nice for someone else, and in the process, he was treated unkindly. But that he had a choice in that situation, as with every other similar situation in his life. He had the choice to become angry and vengeful, or he had the choice to let it go and not allow someones negative behavior to impact him negatively. He had the choice to not allow their behavior to change who he is... a wonderful, caring, loving, kind-hearted, respectful child. He made the choice to not become angry. He made the choice to walk away. He made a choice that he can be proud of.
My son is not a victim. And I feel sorry for anyone who labels him or any other child like him as such. He is a sensitive, respectful, caring child who one day will become a sensitive, respectful, caring man. And that's just my 2 cents on the matter.
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PS - Later that same night, as I was putting Samuel to bed, I said a prayer and then I said Amen. But before I could say goodnight he said, "And please help ________ (boy's name) to make better choices and to be nice to others in the future. Amen." That's it, folks, right there!
