I am thankful.

I am a member of a wonderful Mothers of Preschoolers group. This group has been blessed with 3 Mentor Moms who offer encouragement and guidance, and at every meeting they speak on a subject matter that is relevant to the women in our group. I've been a member of this group for several years now, and there is one Mentor Mom in particular who's been with this group the entire time that I've been a member. I've been able to hear her talk about many different subjects over the years. Many of her talks have changed over the years. But there's one subject in particular, one speech that she gives each and every year, that has always stayed the same, year after year. You see, this Mentor Mom has always made a point to mention just how quickly the preschool years roll right by. She's always said that as moms, we only get 4 years at home with our precious children, and then, they're gone.... off to school where we quickly learn that we are no longer the most important person in their lives. She always tells us to cherish every single moment we are given with our babies and preschoolers, because before we know it, they will be gone. When she gave this speech 4 years ago, as my oldest son was entering Kindergarten, I heard what she said and it really hit home. Yes, she was SO right! Those first few precious years that we have with our children at home before they start Kindergarten really do go by quickly. When she gave this speech again a year later as my daughter, my middle child, was starting Kindergarten, I heard what she said and it hit me all over again. Yes, those first few years we are given at home with our children really do go by faster than we ever could imagine they will. But today, as I heard our Mentor Mom give her speech about just how quickly the preschool years go by, and before we know it, our youngest will be starting Kindergarten and we will go home to an empty house and wonder where on Earth all that time went because it sure did go by fast... well, I'll admit, I got weepy. Okay, more than just weepy... I was crying. This will be my last year with my Mothers of Preschoolers group because this is my last year with a preschooler. My youngest son will start Kindergarten next year, and trust me, I GET IT! I don't want this time in my life as a mom to end. Sometimes, it hurts too much for me to think about. I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past 10 1/2 years. It's all I ever wanted to do. And for several years in my life, I truly thought that I would never get the chance to even be a mom. And so when God did grant me a child, I tried to be the best mommy I could be. I tried to do it all to the best of my ability. I devoted the past 10 years to being the best wife and mother that I could possibly be. It's what I do best. But now, this time in my life is coming to an end. I know that I am not the only mom who has felt this way. I realize I am not the first mother to go through this, nor will I be the last. It still hurts. This truly truly wonderful part of my life that I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to grant to me - Lord, PLEASE make me a mommy - for almost 6 long years I prayed for a child, and now, well... I guess it's time for me to start setting the wheels in motion for Plan B for my life. I've cherished these years at home that I have been so graciously given, thanks to a loving God and an outstandingly understanding and supportive husband.

And so, as I reflect upon the past 10 1/2 years, and as I look forward to this upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, from the depths of my soul I can honestly say that for the gift of motherhood, for the gift of family, for the gift of my husband, and for the gift of being able to call myself a stay-at-home mom... yes, for all of these things, and for so much more, I am truly truly thankful. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gifts!

Go to Sleep

We got these bunk beds for Samuel 2 1/2 years ago, with the intentions of having Samuel and Isaac share a room some day.

We set them up during the week of Spring Break. The first night we had the bunk beds, Avery asked if she could sleep on the bottom bunk and have a slumber party with Samuel. Since Isaac was just a little over a year old at the time, and nowhere near being ready to move to a big bed, we asked Samuel is he was okay with that, and he said that he was. So, Avery slept on the bottom bed all week long. But we warned her from the very first night that on Sunday night she'd have to go back to her own bed since Samuel had school on Monday morning.

WELL, Sunday night came and Avery threw an all out fit because she did not want to go back to her own bed. We forced her to sleep in her own bed though. Avery had struggled with going to bed for as long as we could remember. Most nights up until that point, she'd lay in her bed crying and screaming. Sometimes, no matter what we did to get her to calm down, she'd cry and scream for hours, literally. We knew what had triggered these sleep issues. It all started when I was pregnant with Isaac and we had to get her out of the baby bed. I mean, she was 3 1/2 years old, after all, and I felt like I HAD to get her out of the baby bed. Agh! If I had it to do all over again...

Anyway, at first we tried positive reinforcement, but nothing we tried worked. We tried a nightlight, we tried a lamp, we tried stuffed animals, blankets, music, reading books, saying prayers, everything! Nothing worked. So then we moved on to discipline tactics, but still nothing worked. Night after night, hours of her screaming in bed and making us miserable. So we moved on to punishing her when she would throw a fit and scream in her bed at night. But still, each and every night, bedtime was a nightmare. I'd watch the Super Nanny and try her techniques. They didn't work. I'd ask friends and read books. Seriously, nothing worked. So by the time we got the bunk beds, this had been going on for over a year. It was an exhausting year when it came to bedtimes. But when Avery slept in Samuel's room that week of Spring Break, she did not throw fits... she fell asleep quickly and calmly. Putting her back in her own bed, all alone in her own bedroom was torture for her. She hated being alone at night. Funny enough, I hate sleeping alone and I hate sleeping in a bed that I don't feel comfortable in. So, I could relate.

I remember questioning several family members, asking them if they thought there was anything wrong with letting Samuel and Avery share a room. And every single one of them said no... My mom reminded me that I shared a room with my younger brother for several years when we were children. And my sister told me that she knew of several people in older generations who had to share rooms out of necessity because they just simply didn't have big enough houses for all the kids to each have their own room. I realized that if sharing a room helped Avery to fall asleep more peacefully, thus making our bedtime routine in our home more positive, then why not allow it so long as Samuel was okay with it. So, we talked to Samuel and he really wanted to share a room with Avery. And Avery was thrilled with the idea too. We kept Avery's bedroom just the way it had been, but we moved all of her bedding onto Samuel's bottom bunk bed. And that's how the sleeping arrangements have been for Samuel and Avery for 2 1/2 years now. Avery still had sleeping issues from time to time, but considering where she came from, this sleeping situation proved to be a huge improvement.

So, you might be able to understand why we were so shocked when about a month ago, Avery announced that she wanted to sleep in her own bed that night. WHAT?!?! And so, she did. She made up her mind that it was time, and just went for it. I'll admit, we were not very optimistic that she'd actually stay in her own bed that first night. Once she got in there and the sun went down, we were pretty sure that she'd change her mind. But she didn't. She slept in there all night long, and she's stayed in there for the past month. And the really funny part of this story is that Avery is not sleeping by herself after all. She has a new sleeping buddy! Lid'l Lee, it would seem, has decided that she would like to share a bed with Avery at night now. It's so incredibly cute!!! And Avery loves having Lid'l Lee there.

Perhaps equally as cute, is that every single morning when Maggie hears Isaac waking up, she will stand at his bedroom door wagging her tail until I open his bedroom door. Then she will go plowing into his room and jump straight into his bed. It's the funniest thing. She gets so excited to see him. And Isaac will just sit up in his bed and start loving on Maggie, saying, "Oh, good girl, Maggie." It really is adorable, especially since Maggie takes up 3/4 of the bed...

And as for me, well in the past when Hector has traveled for business, it's been next to impossible for me to get a good night's sleep. I just can't seem to ever relax enough to actually get into a deep sleep. So I tend to stay up most of the night. But since we've welcomed Maggie into our family, I must say that there's just something about having this big dog sleeping at the side of my bed that has given me a certain level of security that I have not had up until this point. You can't ever be sure unless you train your dog to be a watch dog, how exactly your dog will respond to strangers. Well, we had an incident happen in our home with someone that Maggie perceived as a threat/stranger, and let me just tell you, her growling and barking made me feel extremely safe. All I can say is, her previous owners trained her REALLY well...

And now, I think it's time for Isaac and I to visit Miss Nappy's house! Zzzzzzzzzzz.....

The Marble Game

A few months ago, while visiting a friend's home, I noticed that she had a jar full of marbles on her dining room bar. And sitting next to the large jar of marbles were 3 separate smaller jars, 1 jar for each of her children. Curious as to what the marbles were for, I asked her, "So, what's up with all the marbles?" She explained to me that they were playing The Marble Game in their home. The Marble Game is a rewards/discipline strategy used with children. Basically, you use marbles to represent specific behaviors that you either want to reward your child for, or discipline your child for. Each time the child does something "good" they earn a marble. The child can go take a marble out of the main marble jar, and put it into their own marble jar. But, whenever the child exhibits a behavior that you've specifically warned them not to do, they have to take a marble out of their jar, and put it back into the main marble jar.


Okay, I wasn't so sure this would work with my children, and so I really didn't give it another thought. That was, up until last week when I was back at my friend's house and I saw all the marble jars still sitting on her bar. So I asked her how it had been going. She could not stop singing the praises of The Marble Game...


Now then, I've been having some behavioral issues lately with my oldest 2 children. It would seem that my 8 year old son is under the impression that his parents know nothing, and he knows everything. And every single time I ask him to do anything, ANYTHING, he grunts, growls or moans at me. I'm not kidding... I hate it! And with my almost 7 year old (going on 17) daughter, well she's decided that it's time to revisit the temper tantrum stage. WHAT?!?! I thought tantrums ended in the Terrible 2s... Not in Avery's world. So, I was basically willing to try anything at this point to correct these negative behaviors.


I went to Michael's and bought a bag of marbles for $3.99, and I used some plastic storage containers that I already had. We started this game last week in my home. And at first, the kids absolutely did not get it. They didn't understand how exactly they earned a marble, or how exactly they would get a marble taken away. And they thought it was a contest between each other to see who could get the most marbles the fastest. Sibling rivalry... another issue that is in need of corrective action in our home... But eventually, they caught on and I was able to explain to the children how they could earn marbles and why they would have them taken away. Oh, by the way, I'm also doing this with my 3 year old, Isaac.

We've been playing The Marble Game for about a week now, and it's WORKING! Like a charm, I tell you! By about the 2nd day, the kids were actually seeking out things they could do to earn marbles. It was beautiful! Samuel, who is my BIG rule follower, is thriving with this game. He's not growled or grunted at me once since we started this. Amazing! And when Avery started throwing a tantrum on the 2nd day, because she couldn't have a 2nd bowl of ice cream, I gave her 1 warning, the tantrum continued, and I calmly told her to take 1 marble out of her jar and put it back into the family jar. Boy oh boy, was she mad!!! But she did it. And the next day when I told her she couldn't drink an entire chocolate milk box 10 minutes before bedtime, she started throwing a tantrum and I gave her 1 warning about the marble, and the tantrum stopped!!! Oh my goodness, I love things like this! And last night, she went into her bedroom and cleaned it up, without me having to ask her to do it! She even organized the shoes in her closet, which Hector quickly pointed out should have probably earned her 5 marbles.


So, here's why I think this works. Quite simply...


1) It has immediate rewards/consequences, PLUS long term rewards/consequences. AND,

2) The children set personal goals (so it's more meaningful to them), and they quickly figure out that the power lies within themselves to reach their goals.


Beautiful, right? So, here are the specific rules we set for The Marble Game:


How to earn a marble: By doing something nice, good, respectful or helpful, without being asked or told to do it by Mommy or Daddy first. (examples: sharing a toy with your brother or sister, picking up your dirty clothes off the floor and putting them in the hamper, cleaning up your room, etc.)


How to lose a marble: By doing something you have specifically been warned not to do. (examples: throwing a tantrum, groaning or growling when asked to do something, ignoring a request by Mommy or Daddy to help out or to do something we've asked you to do, etc.)


Each child set 3 personal goals, and I wrote their goals on their jars. So, when the marbles in Samuel's jar reach level 1, Samuel will earn an ice cream from Braums. When the marbles reach level 2, he will earn a new movie. And when the marbles reach level 3 (the top of the jar), he will earn a new game for his Play Station 2. Avery's level 1 goal will earn her a fountain soda, level 2 will earn her a stuffed animal, and level 3 will earn her dinner at her favorite restaurant. Isaac's level 1 goal will earn him a new Matchbox car, level 2 will earn him a slice of pizza, and level 3 will earn him breakfast at IHOP. My kids set these goals themselves. How awesome it that?


Now then, when I was a young parent, I was opposed to using bribery tactics such as this to get my kids to do what I wanted them to do. And I never wanted to use food as a reward. But since then, I've grown up a little. :-) No, I've simply come to realize that things like this can be very beneficial and useful tools in parenting, especially when everything else has failed. And here's why I think that is... Personally speaking, when I need to be disciplined in a specific area in my own life, I tend to do much better when I know that the sacrifices I will need to make along the way will ultimately result in something else that's much better in the end. Plus, I tend to do much better in reaching personal goals when I can set much smaller, more easily attainable goals that can be reached along the way. Same thing goes for my kids... Why not reward them in such a way as to send the message, "You're doing great. Keep it up!" I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've rewarded myself with a Cafe Mint Mocha or a mani/pedi. :-)