Forgiveness

"Lord, how many times should I extend forgiveness? Is seven times enough?" Jesus answered, "Not seven times, but seventy-seven times. If you do not forgive others of their sins, your Heavenly Father will not forgive your sins."

Christ's love for us is unmerited. We don't deserve it, yet He gives it to us unconditionally. And the unmerited love Christ gives us goes hand-in-hand with a whole lot of unmerited, unconditional forgiveness as well. Extending forgiveness towards others is difficult. Our pride gets in the way. We want to protect ourselves. We want to maintain control. We let fear consume us. We worry that forgiving others will open ourselves up to the potential to be hurt again. And sometimes, forgiving others feels like we have to forget too. And we don't want to forget, do we? Yet, there it is, plain as day... If we do not forgive others, He will not forgive us. Man, those words are hard to swallow!

Believe me, I've searched. And I can't seem to find anything, anywhere in the Bible that says, "Do not forgive others. Protect yourself. Take revenge and hurt them back." The two greatest commandments in this life are to love Christ with all your heart, mind, body and soul, and to love others as Christ loves us. Love Christ, and love others. Love others, as Christ loves us. Unconditionally...

You know what happens when we forgive others? Perhaps the greatest irony of forgiving others is that it not only releases the other person of their sin, it releases us as well. It opens us up to all of the love and forgiveness that Christ holds in store for us. It sets us free.

Heavenly Father, your name alone is holy. I trust you to take care of my needs. Forgive me, for no one is without sin. Help me to forgive others. Do not let my heart be consumed with temptation. Keep me from evil. Amen

Normal

I woke up around the normal time - 2 a.m. Maisy was whining and needed to be let outside. I got up out of bed and started heading towards the kitchen, and that's when I snapped back into reality. I'm not quite sure what I heard that woke me up, but I woke up at 5 a.m. too. My house sure is quiet now without the sound of Maisy's little whimperings... It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you like that. It's funny, what had become my "normal."

I tried to pet Molly this morning like I would pet Maisy. I don't know what I was thinking. I knew Molly would hate it. I used to grab Maisy behind her ears and give her a few good heavy tugs back and forth. She loved it, and would always lean in for more when I'd let go. Molly just jerked away from me when I tried to pet her like that, crazy dog! I love Molly. She's just not Maisy.

I decided to throw away Maisy's meds last night. Mistake! I almost dug them out of the trash. Why? I couldn't say why... My head tells me I don't need them anymore. My heart tells me I'm not ready to let go of anything that belonged to Maisy. I did pick up her blankets off the kitchen floor and washed them. But crazy enough, I still can't bring myself to sweep up her hair that's on the floor where the blankets were. I miss that hairy, stinky, sickly little dog.

I read a blog last night, written by my church's Minister to Families with Young Children. The summer she had to put her 14 year old dog to sleep, she proceeded to adopt 5 more dogs. She titled it, "The Summer I Lost My Mind." I read it to Hector and when I reached the end he said, "Please, don't even think about it." Before Hector and I had children, I would rescue and take in any and every stray. How do you think we got all of our pets? I don't know, I guess the act of taking in an animal in need just feels right to me. I'm not ready to welcome another pet into our family just yet. Maybe one day I will though, and our family will have a new normal. Oh, how I long for things to get back to normal...

Goodbye

I am writing this the same day I found out that Maisy has cancer, November 4, 2009. I am writing it now because I know that when the time comes to say goodbye, I won't have the words. I am writing it while Maisy is still active, while I remember her as the same sweet, crazy dog I've had in my life for a decade, while she doesn't seem sick, while she still has the energy to run around the backyard and play with her sister dog, Molly, and fight for the toy she wants. I am writing this when Maisy can still jump up for me to pet her, and when I still have her here to pet. I am writing this while I still remember Maisy like this...The day we welcomed Maisy into our family, April 1, 1999.

Sweet Maisy

Well, I tried... I started writing that back on November 4, hoping that the words would come to me. But I never could seem to find the words. How do you say goodbye, when you're simply not ready? The past few months rolled by, and before I could even fully grasp what was happening, the time had come to let Maisy go.

Hector and I stood in the kitchen last night, trying to get dinner on the table. We had talked about Maisy for several days, and finally reached the decision that it was time to let her go. As the tears started to roll down my cheeks, I closed my eyes and prayed to God that He would give me a sign... Something, anything, to let me know that everything was going to be okay... Something that would allow me to feel at peace. Something to let me know that Hector and I were making the right decision for Maisy, and that all of the turmoil and pain I've been feeling lately would somehow subside.

Give me a sign, Dear Lord. Grant me peace, that I may know in my heart that everything is going to be okay.

And when I opened my eyes and looked out my kitchen window, this is what I saw in my backyard:

Maisy was only supposed to live until around Christmas time. She lived until today. She is no longer in pain. She is at peace. I am thankful for the extra time that I had with her. I loved her. I will miss her. Goodbye, sweet Maisy.

Laughter, Part II

Last night at the dinner table...

Avery: "Mommy, why does Daddy get to sit in that chair at the table?"


Me: "Because he's the head of our household, so he gets to sit at the head of the table."


Avery: "Well, if Daddy's the head, then I guess that would make you and me the arms, and Samuel and Isaac the stinky feet."


Me: "Yes, Avery. The would make the boys the stinky feet."

'Tis good to laugh!

Laughter

Lately, life in our home has been stressed. Things just haven't been going the way we planned or hoped they would. Maybe one day I'll be able to share with everyone what's been going on, but today, I'm just not there yet.



So last Friday night, Hector and I found ourselves sitting at the dining room table, putting the finishing touches on Samuel's Pinewood Derby car for Cub Scouts. We'd waited until the last minute to finish it. Hector hammered in the wheels, we hot-glued some washers and quarters onto the bottom, I painted a web and spider on top. Samuel wanted it to be a Spider Man car, which he named The Spider Mobile. And the next morning, bright and early we woke up and headed over to the Pinewood Derby races. So, you might be able to appreciate our surprise and enthusiasm when Samuel's car not only won 1st Place for his Wolf Den, but he also won the Grand Prize for the entire Pack. Each time Samuel's car would race and win, Hector and I got a little more enthusiastic. Okay, I'll admit it, we were totally and completely acting like those over-zealous parents that you see video footage of on the 10:00 nightly news, going crazy at their child's sporting event... Parents Gone Mad!!! :-) No, we behaved ourselves. We just couldn't believe his car was winning! And the Pack Leader told us afterwards that he'd never seen Samuel so happy and smiling so much. It was a great moment for Samuel and for our family. In the car on the way home after the races, Hector and I just laughed and laughed. We needed that laughter. We needed that win! :-)

Samuel's car is the red car on the right side of the track...

The District Pinewood Derby races are this coming Saturday. I'll let you all know how that goes!



And then this past Friday, Samuel and Avery came home with their school classroom pictures. Samuel looked so cute, sitting there in a chair with all his classmates around him. I proceeded to take down last year's class picture to put up the new picture, and that's when I noticed that I had put Samuel in the same exact shirt 2 years in a row. It would seem that in the fog-like state I've been in lately, that it simply didn't occur to me that I was sending my child off to school for picture day in the same exact shirt that he wore last year. How funny is that?

Classroom Pictures, 1st Grade (above) and 2nd Grade (below)

In the midst of all this stress and anxiety, God has given us laughter. Thanks be to God!