You are not alone.

Last night, our family attended Isaac's Pre-K graduation.  You would think, having been through two prior Pre-K graduations, that I would have been better prepared emotionally by now.  But as I sat there, waiting with all the other parents for our children to file into the sanctuary of the church where they attend school, the tears started to fill my eyes.  It wasn't so much that I was sad about Isaac graduating from Pre-K, as much as I long for my baby to not grow up so fast, and not go off to Kindergarten.  So, I tried my best to think about other things.  And it kept my mind occupied for awhile, until I saw Isaac and all his classmates start to walk in.  I can't believe my baby is such a big boy!

As the class got up on the stage to sing their songs, one little girl from Isaac's class started crying.  Her mom went up to the stage to get her.  She was too scared to sing in front of so many people.

Isaac and his classmates sang several heartwarming songs.  Isaac had a lot of fun, and I felt so thankful that he was able to have such a positive preschool experience.  His two teachers are true blessings from God.  They will be dearly missed.

After the performance as we were leaving the sanctuary, Samuel asked me why the little girl from Isaac's class had to leave the stage.  I explained to Samuel that this sweet little girl gets very nervous around people... she doesn't like being in front of a lot of people... it makes her anxious and sad and scared.  I honestly didn't think Samuel was still listening to me by the time I stopped talking.  And then, from seemingly out of nowhere, Samuel said, "So, you mean she's just like me?  I'm not alone?  I'm not the only kid like that?  Wow, that's kinda cool!"

For every single time that I have tried to tell Samuel that he is not the only child who struggles socially, and for every single time I have tried to help Samuel realize that he is not alone, and for everything I've tried to do on my own to help him...  Bam!  Just like that...  God stepped in and said, "Patty, sit back and stop worrying so much.  You are not alone.  And neither are your children.  I've got it all under control."

"I have told you these things so that in me you may find peace.  In this world you will have troubles.  But take heart!  For you are not alone, and I have already overcome the world."  John 16:33

My Heart

Earlier this morning, as the clouds rolled in and the rain began to come down, Isaac came up to me and asked if we could read a book together.  He ran and grabbed one from his room, and we sat down on the sofa together to read it.  After we read the book, he climbed up into my lap, and put his head down on my chest.  We sat there for a minute, with me rubbing his back, listening to the rain outside. He finally picked up his head and said, "I'm so glad that we were home today so that I could listen to your heart. That's how I know you love me."

Over the past few months, I've made a lot of difficult decisions regarding my daily life and how exactly I wanted to spend my time.  Several different things came into my life... things I couldn't avoid... things that I had to do...  things that demanded my time and attention.  I found myself running around like a chicken with my head cut off, always feeling frazzled, always feeling overwhelmed.  Because for everything that I had to do, there were just as many other things in my daily life that were consuming way too much of my time that I simply knew in my heart that I did not need to do... things I needed to let go of.  And so, I took a long, hard look at my daily life.  And I let go...

Over the past 11 years, I've let many great opportunities with my children slip by because I was too busy doing other things.  Some of those things couldn't have been avoided.  But many more of them could have been.  I can't go back.  I can't change those things.  Nor would I want to.  They've molded me and made me the mom that I am today.

In just a few short months, my "baby" will go off to Kindergarten, and a new phase of my life as a Mommy will begin.  I will probably have more "free time" than I will know what to do with.  I'm sure that I will have plenty of time for me to be ALL BY MYSELF to do whatever I want.  No children at home asking me for anything throughout the day.

I'm so glad that I slowed down now.  I'm so glad that I was at home today for Isaac to listen to my heart.  I'm so glad that he knows how much I love him.  Listen, sweet boy.  Listen to my heart.  And know just how deeply you are loved.

May I?

Dear May,

I'm not exactly sure how you snuck up on me as quickly as you did this year.  All I know is that one minute I was thinking it sure was a mild winter, and the next minute I was sitting at my desk and realized it was time to turn the page on my Mommy Planner from April to you.  I will admit, I was hesitant to say goodbye to April and turn the page over to you.  After all, I knew what you looked like before I even turned the page.  There are only four days throughout you that I do not have something going on.  And even though you have a very special day at the end of you (the day my beautiful baby girl was born), most years I just try to hold my head above water and simply survive everything you bring along with you.  I don't understand why you have to be so busy.  And crazy.  I happen to know that it's not just me who feels this way... a lot of other moms out there aren't particularly fond of you either. Perhaps next year, you could strive to be a little less like September, and a little more like your good neighbor, June.  Just a suggestion...

Tiredly,
"Mom"