My Daughter

My second born, middle child, only daughter... clever, witty, creative, inquisitive, detail-oriented, amazing memory, curious, tenacious, beautiful, loving, spirited, and truly empathetic to all living creatures. Oh, how I love her! But oh, how she challenges me! Avery can't simply be told to do something and then do it, without asking first why, when, where, what and who will be involved. She can not simply be told to go get ready for bed, without first asking why our body's need sleep, why is it time to go to bed, why do daddy and mommy get to sleep in the same bed together but she has to sleep in her own bed by herself, what can she do once she gets into bed (read a book, write her own book, etc.), who established this exact time as a good bed time anyway, and do we need to rethink her bedtime since she is, after all, getting older. I love it, but it exhausts me! :-) I now know why parents started saying, "Because I said so! That's why!"

Last night, Avery was acting inappropriately. I won't go into the full details here. But needless to say, Hector and I decided it was time to pull out "the big guns" and start punishing Avery for this specific behavior she's been exhibiting for several days now. After several warnings from Hector and I went unnoticed by Avery, we decided to tell her that the next time she did it, she would have to give away one of her toys. Not even 3 minutes later, she did it again! Agh! So, I sent her to her room to get a toy. She came back with this:

Me: "Nice try, Avery. But that's Samuel's toy... it goes to his view finder. You were supposed to get one of your toys."

Avery: "All you told me to do was to go get a toy from my room, and that toy was in my room. You didn't say it had to be one of my toys."

Do you all understand now a little better, when I said that it exhausts me, what I was truly talking about? Clever! Witty! But exhausting too!!! So, I sent her back to her room with more detailed, specific instructions, and she came back with this:

Me: "Again, Avery, while I realize that this sock does belong to you, I told you to get a toy and not an article of clothing."

Avery: "But I don't wear that sock. I use it as a dress-up toy for my baby dolls."

AGH!!! This was supposed to be a punishment for Avery. But somehow, I was the only one feeling punished... I sent her back to her room, with the understanding that if she did not come back with a REAL toy, that I was going to pick the toy out myself. I watched her shoulders slump as she walked down the long hallway to her bedroom. I could hear her crying in her room. Even though I try to act tough, because ultimately she really needs to learn this lesson, my heart was breaking for her. I don't like punishing my children, but I understand that it's something I have to do. Finally, with tears flooding her eyes and me trying to not let tears flood my own eyes, Avery handed me this:

I must admit, I was shocked to see her holding out this toy because she just got it, and she loves it. She sleeps with it at night, and during the day she puts in on a top shelf in her room so that it won't get lost or damaged by Isaac. I know, it's a silly tater tot from Sonic. But Avery loves this little guy! She handed it over, and asked me who I was going to give it to, was it someone she knows or doesn't know, if there was any way I'd reconsider not giving it away, and if there was anything specific that she could do to get it back. I told her that she needed to stop asking questions...

A few minutes later, I could hear her talking to Isaac. I peeked around the corner, and saw her sitting on the floor, holding Isaac, crying. And then she whispered to Isaac that she was sorry for what she'd done, and said, "If I try my best to never do that again, will you forgive me, Bubba?"

My already-soft heart got a bit softer. My daughter is just like me. If someone says no, she wants to know why not. If someone tells her to stop doing something, she wants to keep doing it until she's 100% sure they mean business. If someone tries to "control" her, she fights back. Exhausting? Yes! But clever and witty and tenacious and spirited and empathetic too! I know in my heart that these things will serve her well later in life. And so it's my challenge to teach her right from wrong, while trying to not squash these characteristics that are inherently a big part of who she is. My daughter... Oh, how she challenges me! But oh, how I love her!!!