Don't Stop Believin'... My Journey to a Healthier, Happier Self

It was a Thursday morning. As I sat in my doctor's office, I wondered how I'd gotten to the point where I was at. But there I sat, knowing what my doctor was probably going to say before he ever said it. Up until that point in my life, I didn't feel like my health was all that bad. But over the few months leading up to that point, I had noticed some things about my health that were starting to concern me. I watched my doctor come into the room and sit down across from me. And then, he gave me some unsettling news. I had high blood pressure. I also had a hiatal hernia. I was pre-diabetic. And he suspected that I also had Sleep Apnea (a fact that was later confirmed by a sleep study). But the biggest and hardest pill to swallow was the fact that these health problems were all a result of my being overweight. It was difficult to hear. It was embarrassing. It was frightening.

My doctor went on to tell me that if I didn't change something soon, a whole new world of health issues were more than likely about to start creeping up on me. He asked me if I knew how many years I was knocking off of my life, by being "morbidly obese." Those two words punched such a powerful blow. They cut through me like a sharp blade, leaving me wounded. The thought of losing 10 years or more of my life, the life that I had made with my husband and my kids, well, I still cry when I think about it. And quite frankly, it was exactly the kick in the pants that I needed.  

Call it a light bulb moment. Call it an awakening. Call it an epiphany. Call it whatever you want. The bottom line is that something clicked that day. Somewhere along this journey called life, I stopped believing. I stopped believing in myself. I stopped believing that I was worth it. I stopped believing that it mattered. I stopped believing that I could do something about it and be successful because I'd tried so many times before then, and failed. I stopped believing that I could achieve anything through Christ who promised to be there for me... who promised that He would be my greatest source of strength.

I wish that I could've had that moment long before that point. But I believe that sometimes, well, sometimes we just have to hit our own personal low point, our own personal rock bottom, before we can begin to climb our way back up and out of the dark abyss that surrounds us. That day, in my doctor's office, was my rock bottom. 

I went home and finally admitted to myself the harsh reality of it all. I believe from the depths of my soul that food had become an addiction for me. Admitting that fact released me from the heavy burden I'd been carrying around for so long, and it was a huge step in the right direction towards my recovery. 

And so, I swallowed my pride and asked for help, and finally acknowledged that I couldn't do it on my own. I decided to take back my health. To take back my life! To start believing in myself again! I prepared myself for battle. I armed myself with scripture, and prayer, and a support team. I saw a nutritionist and a counselor. I gave up several unhealthy things in my life. And I replaced them with positive, healthy things.

Several people have asked me along the way what I have specifically done to lose weight because they are struggling to lose weight too. I can tell you all what I did. But here's the key to all of this, and what it took me YEARS to figure out... It doesn't matter what I did. The only thing that matters is what you're willing to do for yourself. What are you willing to do, to REALLY do for yourself, long-term? Figuring that out, then doing it with all of your heart, mind, body and soul, is the key to success!

For me, this journey has been full of reflection and growth. Personal growth. And healing. And learning how to believe in myself again. To believe in what I am capable of achieving. It's also been a year of loss. Good loss. The best kind of loss...

This is me, right before I started on this journey...

And this is me today, the day I reached my weight loss goal, 100 pounds freer! Off my blood pressure medication. No longer sleeping with a CPap (Sleep Apnea breathing machine). No longer pre-diabetic. YES!!!

My journey is not over. But for now, I feel so blessed that I have been given a second chance... a chance to take back control of my life and my health. To set a good example for my children. To prove to myself that I can do all things through Christ who is my greatest source of strength. Thank you all for your love, support, kind words, encouragement and compliments. It has kept me going on this long journey to a healthier, happier me! 



Albertsons Match-Ups

I've decided to kick my couponing up a notch, and start writing blog posts instead of posting the store match-ups on my Facebook wall. So, if you want to read about the best deals I found at Albertsons this week, keep reading.

I prefer to shop at Albertsons because they tend to have the best sales, and they multiply coupons. Having said that though, I will admit, I'm a little disappointed in the Albertsons sales from last week and this week. I found nothing for free this week, but I was still able to find a few pretty good deals. Here are the best deals that I found from the store sales flyer.

Buy 3 Kellogg's Cereals for $9.00, get a free gallon of Oak Farm Milk
Match with a coupon for $1.00/3 Kellogg's Cereals found in the 06/02 RP (exp 07/14)
Final cost = $8.00 for 3 boxes (or $2.66 each), plus you get a free gallon of milk

Colgate Mouthwash is on sale 2 for $6.00
Match with a coupon for $2.00/1 Colgate Mouthwash found in the 06/02 SS (exp 06/29) - use 2 coupons
Final cost = $2.00 for 2 (or $1.00 each)

Garnier Fructis Shampoo and Conditioner is on sale 2 for $5.00
Match with a coupon for $1.00/1 Garnier Fructis Shampoo, Conditioner or Treatment found in the 06/02 RP (exp 07/13) - use 2 coupons
Final cost = $3.00 for 2 (or $1.50 each)

Velveeta Cheesy Potatoes are on sale for $0.99 WYB 5 participating items
Match with a coupon you can buy in bulk on eBay to get $1.00/2 Velveeta Cheesy Potatoes
Final cost = $0.49 each

* On the very back page of the 06/02 RP flyer, there are coupons for $0.50 off ANY 1 Fiora bath tissue or paper towels (exp 07/31). Everyone who knows me really well, knows how much I LOVE these Fiora coupons. Clip them now and keep them in a safe place. We will wait to see if Albertsons will mark these items on sale for $1.00. They do this every so often, usually every 4-5 weeks this sale will come back around... These coupons will NOT get doubled (because it states not to double them on the coupon). BUT, you can still score papers towels or a 4-pack of toilet paper for $0.50, which is a great deal!

Happy Couponing!

My Dream Home

The grocery store that I shop at has been having a contest for the past two months. When you purchase specially marked items in the store, you receive Monopoly playing pieces. Collect the right Monopoly pieces, and earn free prizes. The prizes you could win range anywhere from grocery items (like a free package of cookies) all the way up to a million dollars. One of the prizes was a $500,000 "dream home." I've been collecting all my Monopoly pieces each week, just hoping and praying for the right game piece to come my way that would let me win the dream home. I don't need a million bucks. The $500,000 dream home would be good...

So, you can imagine my horror when I went to get my groceries today, and was told by the cashier that they had run out of game pieces. I asked her when they'd be getting more in. And that's when she told me that they weren't getting more game pieces in. They ran out. Game over!

You mean, I didn't win the $500,000 dream home?!?! Not even the $1000 cash prize?!?! But I really, really, really wanted that house.

I once heard a very wise pastor say that so many people love to throw around the saying that God will never give us more than we can handle. We use it in tough times. Times when our faith feels like it is being tested. Times when we feel burdened. Heavy hearted. When we feel like we are struggling to hold on. In times when we don't understand. In times when we can't make sense of things.

But how many times do we use that saying in times when we get exactly what we were meant to have all along, and nothing more?

God will not give me more than I can handle. If I've shown God in the past that I am not truly thankful for what He's already given to me, and I am not a good steward of what He's already given me, then why would He give me more?

I can't begin to recall exactly how many times I've complained about something regarding my home. The kitchen isn't big enough. I hate the carpet in the bedrooms. I want a bigger backyard. It's not open enough. I wish I lived on the water. I wish I had this, that, and some more. It's just not my dream home.

I live in a nice sized, five bedroom home. This has been our home for almost eight years. It is the home that I am raising my family in. The home that keeps us cool in the summer and warm in the winter. The home that we brought our third child home from the hospital to. The home that keeps us safe at night. The home that we've made so many memories in. The home that has sheltered and protected us through many storms. The home that has given my husband refuge after many long days at work. The home that has given us refuge after losing family pets, and family loved ones. The home that God has entrusted to me and my husband. And yet, I want more. I want a bigger, better dream home.

Why would God ever give me more than I can handle?

Okay, so I am still a little disappointed that I didn't win the dream home. And there's nothing wrong with dreaming. But perhaps instead of hoping for a new dream home, I need to be more grateful for the dream home that I've already been given.

A Happier, Healthier Patty

I am a planner. And a saver. I am the type of person who will spend an hour planning my grocery shopping trip, looking through sales fliers and clipping coupons, to save my family money each week on our groceries.

I shop end-of-season clearance sales to get winter coats or swimming suits for the kids, sometimes in sizes that are years off in the future, in order to save money.

When Samuel outgrows clothes, I save them for Isaac.

When Avery outgrew her beautiful dresses when she was an infant and toddler, I saved them in a keepsake box, because I am planning on having a granddaughter one day!

I will save the last little bit of cooked veggies, the chicken stock, and half of a chicken breast from dinner, pop them in the freezer, and take them out one day and make homemade chicken soup.

I keep things. I save things. I plan ahead. It's who I am.

As some of you may know, I've been on a journey over the past several months to adopt and maintain a healthier lifestyle, and in the process, hopefully lose some weight too. In the past when I have lost weight, I've always found it difficult to rid myself of clothes that became too big for me. I suppose this is because, as I've stated previously, I save things and plan ahead. What if I gained all the weight back, and I couldn't afford to run out and buy all new clothes? Horror!

As a result, over the years I have accumulated many different sizes of clothes, that have all taken up permanent residency in my closet. And it's been that way for many, many years.

But recently, I've come to realize that while it can be a good thing to hang onto some things and plan ahead for some things in life, sometimes it can also be downright unhealthy.

I don't want to plan on ever going back to the weight and size that I was when I first made the decision to do better for myself. I don't want to save a closet full of clothes that remind me every single day when I walk into my closet of just how unhealthy I allowed myself to become at one point in my life.

And so today, I hope that you all can appreciate just how difficult it was for me to do this...

Over 100 articles of clothing, in 3 different sizes, that are all too big for me. I'm getting rid of them all! No turning back!

As I look forward and plan for the future, I am hopeful that I can continue to plan and save in a more positive, healthy way. There's no need for me to hang onto the past and hang onto all of these clothes, because I don't plan on ever going back to the way I was before I started on this journey. Here's to a happier, healthier me!

Real Beauty

I received a rather strange compliment yesterday. The man who was my cashier at the grocery store asked me if he could give me a compliment. I won't tell you everything that he said. But the basic gist of what he said was that he thought too many women today aren't real. They have fake hair color, fake hair, fake eye lashes, fake make up, fake tans, fake finger nails, and fake bodies. Those are his words. He told me that my "realness" was beautiful. He went on to say that most men don't want or need women to do all of the things that they do to themselves to try to be beautiful in a fake way. Most men find our real beauty much more beautiful, but they allow us to do everything that we do because they know it makes us feel better about ourselves. Again, those are his words. It kind of caught me off guard. All I could think to say was that my husband likes my "realness" too, and that I'd be sure to tell him when I got home exactly what he'd said to me...

 

After I got home, I started thinking some more about what this man had said to me. You see, I'd ran to the store early that morning in an attempt to beat the Saturday morning grocery store crowd. I was sporting my mommy pony tail, with just enough concealer underneath my puffy morning eyes, with some plain Chapstick on. I was wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans... nothing fancy. Definitely not my best outfit. Was that the real me?

 

I thought about all of the times that Hector has complimented me. I've been blessed with a husband who knows that I like receiving compliments. But when I really dug deep, trying to think about the best, most meaningful compliment Hector has ever given me, I remembered this moment.

This picture was taken after I had been awake for close to 21 hours straight, 16 1/2 hours of which I'd spent in active labor with Samuel. I had a very specific birth plan in mind when I was pregnant with Samuel. My birth plan did not involve going past my due date, nor did it involve having my labor induced because my blood pressure was out of control. It did not involve my baby, after 16 hours of labor, going into distress. It did not involve an epidural. And it also definitely did not end with an emergency c-section. That was not my plan. But as I laid on the operating table, praying that Samuel was safe, waiting to finally meet him, I started to shake and cry. The true weight of everything that had occurred that day swept over me. Over 6 1/2 years of waiting to meet my baby had finally all come to that moment in time. I started to bawl. Deep, uncontrollable, slobbery wails of emotion flowed freely from me. After Samuel was born, Hector went to take this picture. But before he did, I asked him how I looked. He leaned over and kissed me tenderly, and told me that I'd never looked as beautiful to him as I looked at that moment. And he meant it. 

 

No make up. Red, swollen eyes. Wearing that awful hospital gown. Holding our miracle.

 

Can you think of a time in your life when you have received a truly meaningful compliment? Was it at a time when you were all dressed up, when your hair was perfect, and your make up was flawless? Or was it at a time when you were having a completely "real" moment in your life? Perhaps it's time for me to rethink what my definition of real beauty is.

 

Patty