These little piggies...

...turned black. Yes folks, what you are about to read is not only true, it's also kind-of gross.


Once upon a time, I bought an exercise DVD through Amazon. When I got it in the mail, I started doing it the very next Monday because I was so excited to get started. Here's the basic idea of this exercise program. You start out on level 1, the "easy" (honestly, it's intense) level of exercise. You do 20 minutes of intense aerobic and muscle strengthening activities each day for 10 days on level 1. There's jumping jacks, jogging in place, weight lifting, and so on. After 10 days, you bump up to level 2. You do level 2 (a more strenuous routine) for 10 days, then you bump up to level 3 (the hardest routine) and do that for 10 days. So in 30 days, you can expect to be healthier, more toned, and yes, you can also expect to lose up to 20 pounds along the way. Sounded great to me! Sign me up!


I took measurements and weighed myself before I started the program. Level 1 was tough, but I stayed with it. After the first 10 days, I measured and weighed myself again. I'd lost 5 pounds in 10 days and had lost 6 inches all over my body. I was thrilled! So, I bumped myself up to level 2 the next day. Level 2 was Intense with a capital I. I couldn't do most of the exercise moves. And my body ached when I was done. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. Everything hurt. But I stayed with it. Still, after several days on level 2, I noticed that my aches and pains weren't going away, they were getting worse. After about 2 weeks of trying to muster my way through level 2, I had to stop. It was just too intense for me, and my body was so sore, so I went back to level 1.


In the midst of all this exercising, I was painting my toenails one day and noticed a small black splotch on one of my toenails. It looked like a bruise, but I couldn't for the life of me remember how or when I'd bumped my toe on anything. It didn't hurt. It just looked unattractive. So, I covered it up with the polish, assuming it would heal and go away, and just went about my normal business. About 2 weeks later, I noticed that some of the polish on another toe had chipped off, and that toe nail looked bruised too. I removed all of the polish from all my toe nails, and was horrified to see that both of my big toe nails were black. Hector was on the computer at the time and I told him to stop whatever it was he was doing, and to Google "Causes of black toe nails."


Now folks, I want you to know that with just about anything in life, there are pros and cons to Googling things. Pro: You have easy access to tons of information. Con: You have easy access to tons of information...


Through my Google "research" I determined that I possibly had 1 of 4 things (way to narrow it down for me there, Google!):


1) Melanoma

2) Diabetes

3) A fungal infection

4) Bruising of the nail bed caused by strenuous exercise, very common in runners and people who do crazy amounts of aerobic activity...

Hmmmm..... I will admit that I seriously considered the possibility that I had either #1 or #2. And while none of those options really seemed all that great to me, I've got to tell you, I was REALLY routing for #4 to be the cause of my black toe nails. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep that night. Too many thoughts of things I should have done differently or could have done differently in my life were running through my mind. If I just would have worn sunscreen more often, or maybe if I just would have lost the "baby weight" sooner.

Well, I made an appointment with my doctor the next day. And I've got to say, I was thrilled when she told me that she seriously thought it was #4, and that while she applauds my efforts to lose weight and get healthy, perhaps I should consider doing something a bit less strenuous. I agreed with her.

So, I will say goodbye to The 30 Day Shred. I can't even allow myself to focus on the irony of this situation (it feels like no matter what I try to do to lose weight and get healthy, something always gets in the way). I have a new found disdain for Jillian Michaels, and I am blaming her fully for my black toe nails... It's ALL her fault! And she, along with her exercise program, have now been placed on the "Permanently Banned From My Life" list. Oh yeah, there's a list...