Normal

I woke up around the normal time - 2 a.m. Maisy was whining and needed to be let outside. I got up out of bed and started heading towards the kitchen, and that's when I snapped back into reality. I'm not quite sure what I heard that woke me up, but I woke up at 5 a.m. too. My house sure is quiet now without the sound of Maisy's little whimperings... It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you like that. It's funny, what had become my "normal."

I tried to pet Molly this morning like I would pet Maisy. I don't know what I was thinking. I knew Molly would hate it. I used to grab Maisy behind her ears and give her a few good heavy tugs back and forth. She loved it, and would always lean in for more when I'd let go. Molly just jerked away from me when I tried to pet her like that, crazy dog! I love Molly. She's just not Maisy.

I decided to throw away Maisy's meds last night. Mistake! I almost dug them out of the trash. Why? I couldn't say why... My head tells me I don't need them anymore. My heart tells me I'm not ready to let go of anything that belonged to Maisy. I did pick up her blankets off the kitchen floor and washed them. But crazy enough, I still can't bring myself to sweep up her hair that's on the floor where the blankets were. I miss that hairy, stinky, sickly little dog.

I read a blog last night, written by my church's Minister to Families with Young Children. The summer she had to put her 14 year old dog to sleep, she proceeded to adopt 5 more dogs. She titled it, "The Summer I Lost My Mind." I read it to Hector and when I reached the end he said, "Please, don't even think about it." Before Hector and I had children, I would rescue and take in any and every stray. How do you think we got all of our pets? I don't know, I guess the act of taking in an animal in need just feels right to me. I'm not ready to welcome another pet into our family just yet. Maybe one day I will though, and our family will have a new normal. Oh, how I long for things to get back to normal...