Goodbye, Miss Molly

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~Dr. Seuss It was over 15 years ago that Hector and I decided to open our hearts and our home to an adorable little 8 pound dog. She was 8 weeks old, part Pekingese, part Cocker Spaniel, part who knows what else, and part crazy! Our first dog! We named her Molly, and later nicknamed her Ta'Molly (tamale), which later progressed into Miss Ta'Molly Polly Pockets... a crazy name to fit her crazy personality! The guy at the animal shelter where we adopted her from told us that she'd been abandoned by her mother, and that she sure did give the big dogs a run for their money in the yard each day. He also told us that she was a hand full, but that with the right owners, she could potentially become a great family pet. And she was... she was crazy, and a hand full, and a great family pet.

Today, our family said goodbye to Molly. She was unable to stand up this morning, and was struggling to breathe. By the time I got her to our vet clinic, she was almost gone. I had only a few minutes to talk to the vet and say my goodbyes to Molly, before she slipped away. I was hoping to type some of my favorite memories of Molly here, because there are so many. But I'm just not there yet. Can't seem to let go of the sorrow and focus on the happy memories we had with this dog for 15 1/2 years of our lives. But I know that I will get there eventually. Goodbye, Miss Molly. You are so deeply missed.

When is it time?

When I put my dog Maisy to sleep this past March, my other dog Molly was in good health and good spirits. But by about the 3rd day after Maisy was gone, Molly knew... I saw Molly slip into a state of depression. I took her to the vet, who indeed confirmed that Molly was depressed. She suggested I look into getting another dog to keep Molly company, but I just wasn't ready to do that. Over the past 5 months, Molly's health has deteriorated rapidly. She's developed a skin rash, an eye infection, arthritis in her hind legs and hips, and she's had muscle mass loss in her hind legs. She's on arthritis medicine, which is really no big deal. But the last time I took her to the vet (2 weeks ago), she discovered a stage 4 heart murmur (stage 4 out of 6, with 6 being potentially fatal). The vet wants to do an EKG and run some other tests. The tests will supposedly determine the best course of treatment for Molly. The tests are expensive, but I honestly don't care about the cost. The heart murmur makes her easily tired and she has shortness of breath. So she sleeps a lot and coughs/wheezes a lot.

And now, Molly's started having accidents all over the house... everywhere... I'll close off one part of the house and she just goes and does her business in another part. I've tried wee wee pads. She sleeps on them. But she doesn't seem compelled to "go" on them, which is probably because she can't smell anymore. The wee wee pads supposedly give off a scent that's supposed to attract dogs to do their business on them, but my dog can't smell. And I've tried dog diapers, which, I wasn't even the one wearing the diaper but somehow I felt SOOOOOOO humiliated for my dog. Poor thing. Oh, she HATED the diapers. Ripped 2 of them off, then proceeded to walk straight into Isaac's room and do her business.

She's 14 years old and the carpet in Isaac's room needs to be ripped out at this point. It's bad. And the carpet in some of the other bedrooms are on their way to being ripped out too. I tried cleaning the carpets in Isaac's room with a cleaner "guaranteed" to get the urine smell out of carpet. It did NOT get the smell out. Instead, it left white, crunchy spots all over the carpet where I applied the cleaner. And now I have orange scent mixed in with the urine scent, and it's disgusting.

On top of everything else, Molly is deaf and going blind. I didn't go through any of this with Maisy. She was only 11 years old when we had to put her to sleep because the cancerous mass was causing her to be in so much pain that we could no longer manage the pain. She was not an elderly dog.

So, when is it time to say goodbye to an elderly pet? I don't know. I knew with Maisy because she was in tremendous pain, not eating, not happy. But Molly's eating and drinking fine. I don't care about the carpet and the cost to tear it out. I don't care about her medical expenses either. When people tell me not to spend all that money on a pet, I just don't even factor that in. That's not a"deal breaker" or deciding factor for me. But is this a "good" life for Molly? I don't know. Hector and I decided to confine her to the kitchen last night, and of course she did her business in there on the tile. So before I could even get a cup of coffee in me, I had to take care of Molly's mess. Man, I really wanted that coffee first thing this morning. :-) Oh, Molly doesn't bark anymore to go outside because, here again, she's deaf.

I guess maybe I'm just looking for someone who's gone through this before with a pet. Someone who can maybe tell me to hang in there... it's worth it.

By the way, since welcoming Maggie into our home, Molly has seemed FAR less depressed and lonely. She plays with Maggie and seems to really enjoy her company. But I think the loss of Maisy took a huge toll on her... a toll that I'm just not confident she will recover from. So, here I am just 5 months after saying goodbye to Maisy, trying to decide, when is it time to say goodbye to Molly?